Schultz -- 5/2000 - 5/2011

Sleeping at the foot of the bed.

His favorite thing was to pull the stuffing out of toys.

 My beloved Schultz is gone.

I am so incredibly sad that he had to leave me.  But it was time for him to go.  Cancer... that insidious thief of our loved ones.

The boy with the bad knees and the painful back developed a respiratory problem and he finally gave me that look that said he was ready.  He had so many problems within the last year.  His happiness had waned.  On Tuesday, I knelt beside him and tried to comfort him as he moaned.  So I made the appointment for the following morning.

Thankfully, Les finally returned home from California Tuesday night.

Schultz and Cubby -- on Cubby's last day

Early Wednesday morning we arrived at the vet's office.  It was decided to keep Schultz in the Jeep as I wanted to have his body cremated and we had to take him to Pueblo for that.  I crawled into the Jeep and Schultz was so scared.  The vet gave him a shot to calm him and I held his beautiful head in my lap until he went to sleep.  Then, the vet gave him the final shot.  Within moments he took his last gasp for air and then he was gone.  I felt like I betrayed him.

After several minutes I climbed out of the back of the Jeep and sat in the passenger seat.  Just as we were pulling out of the parking spot I physically felt a thump on my heart and I heard in my head, "I'm OK."  I swear that this is the truth.  My boy passed through my heart on his way to his next life.  There, I know I will see him again and he will again be my companion and my friend.  And saying goodbye to me in that manner was the greatest gift he could have ever given me.

What a goof!

Meditating on one of our walks.

Schultz playing with Oso a few years ago.  What a smile!

On one of his last walks.

Uncle Leonard

Yesterday saw the passing of another precious family member. 

Leonard Brook is the brother of Les's mom... Ilene.  Leonard lived his life in Wisconsin.  He and his wife, Donna, raised 3 beautiful, smart, caring and wonderful daughters.  Donna, sadly, passed away several years ago.  So Leonard was left rattling around in his big house -- maybe traveling a little.

I wish I had known him better.  To me, he seemed like a man of few words.  But I always saw him watching intently, with a little grin on his face.  What was going on behind those clear blue eyes?  I know he cared deeply about his family and that he was a great help to Ilene.  He was a very good man.

Donna -- sadly I barely knew her either.  She died many years ago as a result of cancer -- Multiple Myeloma.  When I first met her she kind-of intimidated me.  When I mentioned that to Les later that evening and he asked me why, I told him it was because she kept asking me questions.  Les explained that was just because she wanted to know me better.  Wow... really, I believed that no one ever wanted to know about me like that.  It was completely foreign to me.  But from that realization came acceptance.  What a great feeling that was.

And that's the kind of family I married into.  They are all very close and really care about each other. 

Leonard's girls Janet, Ellen and Nancy were with him until the end.  They kept vigil for him.  They let him go knowing that he was loved and will be missed.  Then, cancer took him away, too.

But today, comfort can be taken in what I know is a fact.  Leonard and Donna are together again... pain free...care free... loving each other.

What a beautiful morning it has been.  We awoke to 2-3" of new snow.  It's a heavy, wet snow and it's something this part of the country has needed desperately.  It's been so dry, but today... gorgeous.  Mindy made her usual 7:30 wake up call.  It's not that she's particularly hungry -- and it's not that she has to go outside -- I think it's just because she's bored of being quiet during the night.

Last night I went out to Black Jack's Saloon for dinner with Jim and Joelle.  Our table was right next to our other friends -- Ken, Trish, Laurie and Eric.  Eric is a dog whisperer.  He has a grooming shop here in town, but has also studied dog psychology and dog training.  He's come here to the house 3 times so far to help me work with Mindy.  He's amazing.  And she will also be amazing when her training is done.  She's a really good dog... just hyper.

So we drove up to the property this morning.  The snow was already a bit slushy on the road.  We walked slowly and carefully.  Mindy, of course, can't walk anywhere.  She runs.  Then when she's done, flops down in the snow for a few seconds and then she runs some more.  While she's running, she opens her mouth to scoop snow with her lower jaw.  She's quite a character.

Les is on his way home -- via Boise.  Andrew has asked if he can come to spend a few months with us here in Trinidad.  Of course we said yes.  He just could not find a job in Boise.  I'm not so sure he'll be able to find one here, either.  But at least he'll have a roof over his head and a full belly.  I know that he's gone without food recently because he just had no money.  I give him some money when I know that he needs it, but he's too proud to ask unless he's desperate.  He really wanted to make it on his own... and I think he did to some degree.  He's only 20.  He's at that "technically an adult but still a kid" stage.  We just want him happy and safe.

I had 3 paintings in a local art show in April.  That was fun to see them at the gallery.  I didn't win anything, nor did I sell anything, but it was fun none-the-less.  I put a slightly higher price tag on them than I probably should have... because I don't really care if I sell them or not.  It's basically, "What would it cost to get me to part with them."

That's catching up on the week.  My brain is not flowing that well today.  Not sure why.  So until then...

Easter Morning

Today is Easter.  It is a gorgeous morning and I'm up here on the mountain.  We've already done our walk.  We took a downhill trail out the front of our property and down to the road.  Then we walked back up the road.  It's still a climb, but there's no cactus or brush for Schultz to get around or through.

It's so beautiful up here.  Thank you, God, for this gift.  And thank you for the gift of your Son.

Right now Schultz is laying in the doorway of the garage, gazing out into peacefulness.  Mindy is off doing Mindy stuff.  This will be such a good thing for her... living up here.  If only we had the money to start our house off now.  Patience...  I'm learning patience.

As Les is still in California, I would have been alone on Easter Sunday.  However my friends Joelle and Jim invited me to an early supper at their house.  She's cooking turkey and ham.  Jim wanted turkey, and Joelle's mom, Yolande, wanted ham.  So she's cooking both... for the four of us.  She asked me to bring a salad.  I think I'll make a nice spinach salad with hard boiled egg and strawberries.  Sounds yummy to me.

Then my friend Angela called yesterday.  She and Ken are having a get-together later this evening and invited me up there for dinner.  It's so wonderful to have such good friends so soon after moving here.  It hasn't even been a year.  I don't know if I'll go to Ken and Angela's.  I kind-of played hookie yesterday and I promised Les that I'd work on the kitchen paint this weekend.  I'll write about that later.

I've decided to bring my laptop up to the mountain top.  After all, it was just sitting in a closet gathering dust.  My thoughts were, if I could bring the computer up here -- this is where I'm most inspired -- maybe I'll write more.

I come up here daily, bringing the dogs, walking, thinking.  I have a strong inner dialog going constantly.  Then when I get home it's emails to answer; dishes to be done; a certain little dog wanting to come in and then go out, and then back in, and then back out... you get the picture.

I'm very concerned about Schultz.  I've been at the vets' office 3 out of 5 days this week.  I get medication, then more medication.  I'm so thankful that this vet -- one of only 2 in town -- charges so little for his time and meds.  Talk about a guy who does things for the good of the animal and its human.

Schultz with Oso at Winchester Ranch.  Look at that smile!

I cooked some brown rice and boiled chicken for my Schultzie Boy.  That was his diet this week.  It looked like he was starting to get better so I bought some kibble formulated for a sensitive stomach and fed that to him last night, mixed with the last of the brown rice.

This morning.... OMG!  And there was blood in it.  My heart can't stand the thought of letting this beautiful boy go... but my head knows that it's the best thing for him.  And I know he'll be waiting by the Rainbow Bridge when it's my turn.

I'm giving it one last try... I found a guy who lives in Trinidad.  He's a dog trainer, but he also has an exceptional gift with animals in that he can understand them... individually.  Now I know some people may think that I'm a fool to believe such a thing, but I think those people just don't understand.  I would swear that during Schultz's lifetime, I have heard him say things to me.  Not often, and certainly not much, but I have heard it non-the-less.  Laugh if you want.

This man will come this week and do an acupressure session for Schultz.  If nothing else, I'm sure it will feel good to him.  This is by no means expected to be a cure. I just need to know that I've done everything within reason for him.

 Such a beautiful creature... inside and out.

Dry, Dry, Dry

The title says it all.  It's been so very dry here.  I'm considering buying stock in Chapstick and Ayr Saline Nasal Mist!

Last week I was heading up to the mountain and as I wound my way through town I pulled over for a fire truck. When I pulled back into the street to continue my journey I was a little puzzled that the streets that lead to our little road were also the streets taken by this fire truck.  Then I saw a mass of cars where there shouldn't have been any and realized that the brush on the county road was on fire.  In April... a brush fire.

Where County Road 67.7 meets Atchison in Trinidad is a quiet neighborhood.  Atchison is lined by small, well-kept homes.  Then there's a large apartment building just past the turn-off on CR67.7.  It appears to me that someone from that apartment building threw a lit cigarette.  Of course, I'm just guessing, but my many years of living in Southern California has taught me a thing or two about brush fires.  That was obviously the point of origin, and the fire was spreading fast.

I pulled onto the county road and then off to the side to watch.  Two more fire trucks arrived and all hands were on deck to battle this brute.

As I sat in my car to watch, Ken and Angela pulled in next to me.  We sat in our cars and talked and watched.  I saw that the smoke was turning from black to white which is a very good sign.  We discussed the fire fighter's movements as we saw a downed tree across the road and across the arroyo start to blaze.  Of course we knew the professionals had it all well in hand.  Steve pulled up behind us and we all visited.  Then Justin and Alicia pulled up.  It was a regular get-together with the gang.

After visiting for 45 minutes or so I decided that I'd go up there tomorrow instead.  Even though the fire was pretty much out, I knew that the fire fighters would be staying around for a while to make sure any hot spots were out.  They were letting people out of the canyon, but not in.  I assumed that was because -- in event of an evacuation that would be one less person they had to deal with.  Of course, that's another assumption.  I didn't have to get up there and I didn't want to be in any one's way.  All in all the fire consumed maybe a couple of acres.  Not much at all by Southern California or Texas standards, but it could have been quite scary if not for the fire department's quick action.

Why I didn't take pictures... I have no idea.

Weather

Flowers springing up in the back yard.

Spring has opened her eyes from her winter's sleep here in Colorado.  Kind of...

The winter was very mild.  Not that much snow.  Cold, but not unbearable.  But the days are getting longer and warmer.  I've had the doors and windows open several days now.  I haven't had the furnace on in our little duplex for well over a month.

Then on Monday, we awoke to 4" of fresh snow.  Surprise!!!  But by Tuesday afternoon, it was 84 degrees.  Today it was a very cool morning, but a warm and comfortable afternoon.  The snow didn't stick around long at all.  It's like the seasons are battling.  Winter doesn't want to let go, but Spring is anxious to show off her flowers.  I'm content whoever wins.

Monday morning after the snow.

When we went up to the mountain on Monday, Mindy was beside herself.  She absolutely loves the snow.  She races around and then jumps face first into the snow.  She comes up with a face full of white, then races around again.  Ah, to be young.

Mindy with her face full of snow.

 My Honey left for California again on Saturday.  I won't see him again until early May.  Then he'll be home until October.  That works for me.  While I don't mind at all being by myself, he's still my best friend and my lover and I miss him.

My gargoyle... the best Mother's Day present ever!

Isn't this pretty?